X-Men: The (fan fic) Series

I can’t believe I’m saying this… but bring back the sexy nuns?

Once again everyone is fighting each other and the Phoenix is somehow involved. Everyone is worried about Evan becoming the Big A. Quire may or may not have a conscious. Kids/teenagers are fighting to the death (sorta).

And both Wolverine and Fantomex are pretty useless.

The best part of this issue is just how much do I want to psycho-analyze Quire channeling his inner-Wolverine? To be honest… I don’t think I have enough alcohol for that right now…

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There are two themes Marvel loves to keep using and using and using… “Wolverine is a psychotic killer who should not be teaching children but we’re gonna support him doing it anyway” and “the phoenix is all powerful and we’re gonna use it whenever we get the chance because we’re too lazy to come up with anything else”.

Oh… and then there is Apocalypse… the X-Men’s greatest enemy, so strong and powerful that he comes back and gets killed off every few years or so…

Meh, at least the art is good.

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So everyone is yelling at each other.

That’s pretty much it.

Oh, there is some fighting and sexy nuns… but a lot of yelling.

I just couldn’t get into this issue, at all.

Meh.

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New school year, new writer, new first issue, same old problems…

Quire is a graduate now but instead of moving on (not that there’s very many places to go) he’s still at the Jean Grey School, and now he’s a teaching assistant… oh the humanity. Seriously, really? This feels like some ABC Family tv series, or an after school special of some sort… which wouldn’t’ be so bad if WATX had some kind of niche other than ‘the kids are mutants’ because otherwise there isn’t a lot of meat on the bones of this story.

And the whole Fantomex thing? It’s like a story all on its own, like somehow two comics got mixed up at the printers. I suppose if I gave two shites about Fantomex it would be different, but I don’t, and his intro into WATX doesn’t make me want to. All I can figure is that somehow this is all gonna go bad… but flash forwards can never be trusted.

The last part with the Phoenix symbol everywhere would be interesting if not for the fact that the Phoenix is very much been there, done that.

But it’s not a bad issue, it’s just not a great issue, so it’s just there and hopefully going to pick up from here rather than stay at this baseline.

Though really, these artists need to try and remember just how old these kids really are…

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As much as I love the X-Men, they are a bunch of hypocrites.

How many has Wolverine killed, lately? Bobby nearly turned the world into an ice ball. If Kitty came back she’d be welcomed with open arms. Hell, even Cyclops is kinda forgiven. But Toad follows his heart and goes with Paige, then helps the X-Men save the day… and he’s repaid with a bunch of “we can’t trust you anymore” and “you betrayed us”.

It’s complete bull $h!t.

Some argue it’s because Toad isn’t good looking and it’s hard to deny that point. What other excuse is there? There are plenty of former-villains who have had their moments, hell, look at Magneto! The only other option is that it’s simply done like this to push the plot forward, the comic book version of “it was in the script” of things done simply so that other things can happen even if they don’t really make sense.

Or does it?

Earlier on, when Toad went to the other side, he commented that things come easy to Quire because he’s not ugly like Toad is. Aaron has set up the concept of an unfair world when it comes to beauty and politics. So, as a reader, we should have seen this coming.

And it proves just how horrible we, as a people, can really be… which is a main theme of the X-Men.

Huh.

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That was great! But was that all?

We have a multi issue setup with the siblings that Dazzler/Mystique implanted in the school, we get the cliffhanger in the last issue, then things start to go south. This should all culminate in something really fun and explosive, but in reality, it’s ‘stuff we already know’. Literally, Joseph gives his sister the same tour Broo gave him, that we’ve already seen, and then that’s it. His sister is knocked out and Joseph makes the call to just forget any of this ever happened. On the surface it’s a poignant moment but it’s just kinda thrown out there after the reshash of the tour. This could have really been something but it was cut off at the legs.

This is partly because half of this issue was spend dedicated to Wolverine. Here we get a little heart to heart between Wolvie and Scott which is actually really good… but it’s buried in this title. This is the kind of thing that should be happening in the lead X-Men titles. Get these two sorted out and move on with the universe. Though can we please not make it all about their pissing match over Jean? That’s all I ask!

I know… I ask to much.

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Broo is awesome and anyone who disagrees can personally be eaten by Krakoa.

Finally getting back to school matters since the end of the Battle of the Atom crossover, we have the introduction of two new students. Through them, we get a glimpse of the school and learn that it’s pretty much like every school ever, just super powered. You have all the cliques that one would expect to see in a Mean Girls-esque setting.

To make things more intersting, apparently Bobby isn’t taking the break up with Kitty all that well (which seems a little odd against all the stuff that happened in Astonishing X-Men but that’s pretty on par with how these comics run, continuity wise).

Everyone is still bitching at each other for trying to cause the destruction of the world, again, as that seems to be the default setting for everyone right now. Just as punching and stabbing things is Wolverine’s default setting.

And Mystique is still pretending to be Dazzler (did they ever explain if the real Dazzler is dead or just being held someplace?) and up to no good, per usual. Our two new students seem to be spies. I’m sure they will wreck havoc and possibly do so with the aid of the former Hellfire Club members they have brought to the school.

Being a teenager in the X-Men universe really does have its moments, doesn’t it…

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Wolverine is never having sex again? Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen.

While I do continue to tire of the constant future stuff, especially how most of it will never come to past, I did love the scene between Quire and his future self. That was pretty perfect to be honest.

However, the characterization of several characters seems to have gotten out of whack through the whole Battle of the Atom arch. Specifically Kitty is all over the place, and was Maria always this bitchy? This is the second to last book in the arc and I feel like they are pushing everyone into the direction they want them to be at the end. From the spoilers I’ve gotten for post-BotA books, I don’t think I’m all that off in that assessment.

Basically, I can’t wait for this arc to be over and everything to get back to normal… or what passes for normal in the X-Men universe.

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